“Who are you inviting to be in your front row?” Dr. Walker asks her graduate students at the beginning of their first course in an educational leadership cohort. She is referencing the practice that Billy Joel started over 25 years ago at his concerts when he decided not to sell his front row seats; and instead, give these prime seats to fans selected by his crew.
He wants people who really care about his music to be in his first row. When Dr. Walker speaks to her graduate students, she asks them to consider who really cares about them on their journey. When we have a significant goal to meet in our lives, the journey will be easier if we know who will be there for us during the challenges as well as the joys. Some days are going to feel harder than others. There are going to be Mondays when we don’t want to keep going; days when things don’t go as planned. Who are the people who are going to be there through the day-to-day effort as well as during those moments when you know you need some grace or a little extra assistance?
Our “front row” people need to be people we trust; people who respect and care about us; care about our dreams.
When I decided to pursue my doctorate, it didn’t make a lot of sense. I was a young mother with two young children, ages two and seven. I knew nothing about what it took to earn a PhD. Plus, I was working full-time, had transitioned into a new profession, and became a managing partner in a new business within a year of starting my program of study. During my first doctoral seminar class, the department chair looked around at the conference table of eight new students and said, “Statistics prove that one of you isn’t going to make it.” And he looked right at me! After that moment, I was determined I was not going to be that statistic. I loved learning and knew I wanted to learn how to design transformative adult learning experiences.
Yet even with my determination and perservance, there were many evenings after a full-day of working and after our two children went to sleep, when I asked myself, “What am I doing? Who do I think I am?” But what helped is that during these challenging times, my husband was my front row person. He would listen to me process, and then would say, “You can quit, if you want. I will still love you.”
We want our front row people to see us, hear us, and value us - just as we are. Brené Brown describes this meaningful connection as an “energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship” (Atlas of the Heart, 2021, p. 255).
On the night of my commencement, my husband splurged and treated our family to a limo ride for the 45 minute drive from our house to the university campus. We were celebrating my perseverance and our completion of this five-year journey together. I couldn’t have done it without my front row people - in this case, my family.
I write all of this knowing that I am privileged and lucky to have them by my side. My hope is that anyone reading this knows who their front row people are; and if not yet, they discover who they are.
[Associated Blog Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash]
I love the idea of front row people, and I love every word you’ve written.